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Dating on Biggercity

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2 posts

Dating on Biggercity

9/1/2013 2:38 AM

 
Am I unusual, that I find dating on BIggercity a little strange? Here am I a large chubby guy, I love posting photo's of myself, and updating my bio on a regular basis, and occasionally I will get one or two flirts, which I respond to, and then nothing!

Am I doing something wrong?

I will admit that I'm not happy on webcam or Skype due to lack of confidence, but that confidence takes an even bigger dive when the conversation just stops for no reason.

So what am I doing wrong?


906 posts

257
Re: Dating on Biggercity

9/1/2013 9:48 AM
Updated: 9/1/2013 9:52 AM

3
First, get rid of the idea that you're doing something wrong.
Second, lose the idea that this is primarily a dating site (which is not to say it isn't possible find a date or even a partner, as some people have found both here.)   Performing a  number of functions, being mainly US  based but with a  sizeable international following,   it reflects a a wide range of attitudes, opinions and, sad to say, prejudices.    This is where the frustrations come in.    Satisfying everybody, in some cases anybody, is not just difficult, it's impossible.    Think about the reasons why some of the reasons people are here and the attitudes they display.....
Partnered to a man, alleged open relationship,  looking for something on the side.
Partnered to a woman, not open about sexuality, looking for a non-committal outlet.
Single, not open about sexuality, looking for a non-committal outlet.
Single, not yet open about sexuality, but thinking a relationship might change that.
Single, very open about sexuality, looking for casual, non-committal sex.
At work, bored, never reads profiles, but is looking for wank pictures of chubs, superchubs, and sometimes what he can never be, an attractive chaser.
In a country, such as Iran, where being gay is a crime and looking for an outlet.
Exercising a fantasy which he is too nervous to make a reality.
Only interested in guys over 150 kgs.
Only interested in guys of the same skin colour.
Very interested in guys of another skin colour.
Only interested in local guys.
Only interested in guys from his own country.
Only interested in guys who match what he perceives is his superior intellect.
Not interested in personal contact, just wants a quick wank seeing other people doing so on cam.
Only replies to people who spark his interest even when what causes the spark is not stated, or clearly stated, in his profile.
Has the view that anybody over 40 couldn't possibly engage in interesting sex.
Has the view that only people  over 40 are worth responding to because of sexual maturity.
Heavily prejudiced against people purposefully making themselves fat.
Heavily prejudiced against people on a chubby site talking about losing weight.
Only interested in chatting to other people, maybe getting off on ''dirty talk'' because of loyalty to an ex or departed partner who in their view will never be equaled.

And so on.    And so on.  Against such a background, if what you are looking for is a meaningful relationship, and some  on this site are, how do you make a connection?     Good question.


906 posts

257
Re: Dating on Biggercity

9/1/2013 10:42 AM

1
A good question to which there are no easy answers.

All you can do is present yourself as well (some people are not very good at this and some amazingly succeed in alienating people ) and as honestly (that's an important rule not followed by everybody here) as you can, be impassive about the guys, for example, who obviously just want a quick wank on Skype,  and hope that somebody on the same wavelength as you responds to your profile. This can take time.

Some other points...

Some people here are very conservative and think it's undignified to show a picture of your ass, or indeed other body parts, especially if you're older.  You in your flower garden with Dan the dog is likely to get a better response.

Some think because you've got pictures of your bare ass on your profile sex is the only thing you're interested in.   It's as though you haven't got a brain, just a penis and an ass.

Most people in chat or on messenger are not interested in dating but seeing your body or penis on cam.   Failing that, they want just ''dirty talk'', a term which is so schoolboy it really annoys me.

Unless you are prepared to travel, something which has its risks as going 500,  miles or more to find you don't like the guy in the flesh can be expensive and demoralizing, finding and meeting somebody from  your own country can be difficult, especially if they're in the UK which has only a marginal presence here.   Even Americans, which predominate here, seem to have problems making out of state contacts, indeed, in many cases, same city contacts.

Example.   I live in north east Spain within striking distance of Barcelona and Sitges.   My best results have come from Spanish dating sites, none from here, but even then nobody seems very willing to go more than a few kilometres for a date, which usually means casual sex.  I'm also British and get some responses from there, some from interesting guys who never seemed to be around when I was living there,but I'm not rich so can't just dash off at the drop of hat.   If I can't things tend to go cool very quickly.

So nothing bizarre about this site.  It's just a microcosm of this crazy life.



3 posts

Re: Dating on Biggercity

9/1/2013 7:30 PM

 
I had a look at your profile, if I'm really honest there are a couple of things I would change straight away. First is that you have lots of face pics without any smiles on them, they're making you look overly serious (even dare i say a little unhappy) which isn't perhaps the image you want to portray. Second is that your profile description is very generic, you're asking the reader if they're looking for somebody that fits a description without telling them anything about yourself. Have a think about the profiles that interest you, what do you like about them (aside from the hot guy lol). I hope you don't think I'm being rude, I'm just trying to help you out. I can't guarantee that changing these will totally work for you but it may help. Also don't forget that Bristol is similar to Leeds where I'm from and as it's not London it is a bit harder to meet guys because of that too so don't beat yourself up too much.


2 posts

Re: Dating on Biggercity

9/2/2013 12:59 AM

 
I appreciate your honest comments, I mean there's no formula for how to write the perfect advert, you can't just copy and paste something from somewhere else, and hope that it'll work for you. I've tried several versions, and to be honest with you, I've settled for the average so far. It's a bit like applying for a job, you want to put the best side of you across, but you need to put the important information in, despite that fact that your limited to 250 words. I'll give it some more serious thought, and I'll update the photo's despite that fact I don't like myself being photographed (by someone else)


3 posts

Re: Dating on Biggercity

9/2/2013 7:28 PM

 
expand
I appreciate your honest comments, I mean there's no formula for how to write the perfect advert, you can't just copy and paste something from somewhere else, and hope that it'll work for you. I've tr...
You're right, there is no perfect formula and i'm not professing to be the sage in that regard, i just know that i like to read profiles that tell me a bit of info about the person as i find that most interesting but of course everyone has their own taste so what works for me won't necessarily work for someone else.  I'd definitely try taking some pics yourself at arms length (or with a timer) then you can easily delete any you don't like and make sure you're happy with them before you upload them, that will save you getting someone else to do them which i agree can be more uncomfortable if you're not really happy with having your pic taken.

Here's a good link that you may find useful
http://www.wikihow.com/Write-a-Good-Online-Dating-Profile

Good luck


108 posts

28
Re: Dating on Biggercity

9/2/2013 9:00 PM

 
Love your videos.

And like Tat said, you're not doing anything wrong.

I send out flirts all the time. Sometimes get a flirt back. Sort of like a pinch on the ass in the locker-room. It's a quick acknowledgment.
Sometimes, they'll come back with an eNote in my inbox if they want to chat more.

Sometimes, like today, a couple of guys on this board didn't reply to a simple wavy 'hi' flirt or a bear hug, and they actually logged out after checking out my profile. LOL.
What, do my socks stink THAT bad?
I didn't think a flirt was a request for commitment, or was a request to let me move in with them, LOL. I could almost hear the door slam and the sound of their car engine revving as they drove away.

So don't take it personally. It happens to everyone.

:)



253 posts

131
Re: Dating on Biggercity

9/4/2013 4:26 PM

1
I know that the colloquial phrase "If you're looking for something, you'll never find it" seems too simple to be valid.  For the longest time, I thought the same thing.  But my friend, not only is it valid but I have found it applies to more than just dating.  With that in mind, start by making friends (both here and in your community).  The love of your life might just be someone you meet through a mutual friend.


906 posts

257
Re: Dating on Biggercity

9/4/2013 5:40 PM
Updated: 9/4/2013 5:49 PM

 
expand
I know that the colloquial phrase "If you're looking for something, you'll never find it" seems too simple to be valid.  For the longest time, I thought the same thing.  But my friend, not only is it ...

I agree with your closing sentence.   But also suggest that the expression, biblical in origin I think,  ''Seek and ye shall find'' is just as apt, probably more so, because in my experience if you open yourself up to as many dating opportunities as possible, the more success is likely.   Sitting around waiting for manna from gay heaven can be a lonely experience.

Whilst on the subject, can I add to what I've already said, and state I have such empathy for all the genuine guys I see on here, many living in remoter corners of the US or the world, certain or not so certain about their sexuality, marginalised sometimes in the physique conscious gay community because of their shape or weight, who are obviously looking for companionship and that elusive thing called ''love''.  It especially pains me that some guys who land here (because there are so few other avenues) get abused by the cretins, fortunately small in number, who also mingle here.  I wish I could change things.



154 posts

21
Re: Dating on Biggercity

9/7/2013 2:59 AM

 

God Tatu, you're like the gay Oprah! You broke it down! And yes, how do you ever stop looking? Life is too short to stop looking! I'm with you: seek and ye shall find! You don't get anything sitting back waiting for something to come to you. Who came up with that?

But it's so hard to maintain anything online, because how do you create a spark without chemistry? And how can you establish chemistry without being in the same room? Its possible, I believe, but it takes some serious practice. Almost 99% of the time, there's not a man online that will ever be able to compete with the man who passes me on the street, or whom I see at my local supermarket, to give a few examples.

I, for one, don't ever feel my pulse quickening over a guy I see online. My cock may jump, but my heart stays nice and steady. No words he types ever makes much difference. But, in public, my senses are all in full effect at the site of all the men in the city, whether they're even available, or even look my way. But alas, that's how chemistry works. It starts with a spark.



5 posts

2
Re: Dating on Biggercity

9/7/2013 5:48 PM

 
First let me say FORGIVE ME FOR BEING HONEST.


Question. Are you using bc as a way to get romantically involved? Only because my friend biggercity is FAAAAAAAAAAAAAR from a dating site. Since joining the site sometime last year I've noticed the majority or the people here want to hook up. Simple. Many of the men I've encountered on here I to move fast and when your're not moving fast enough they drop you...quick. & Please don't forget that we as men have a short attention span and normally jump from one shiny thing to the next. With that being said for a chub chaser this site is like a paradise full of chubby guys to play with lol. 

Okay now this confidence issue....I've never been shy to say I've had it too. I want you to know that you've got to believe in yourself, and love yourself enough first before you can even began to expect someone else to. You're not doing anything wrong man, don't beat yourself up about this. If you really want it and trust that it could happen then it will when its meant to. Took me forever to realize that but because of the awesome friends I've made here the lesson was learnt fairly quickly. 

Chipper up!


p.s. -I've actually went on a few dates from bc in the past...though I won't speak negatively about any of them (not my style), I will say its something I defiantly won't be trying again.

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