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Bear Abby

From ugly dilemmas to sublime annoyances; Bear Abby has advice for all!

 

Married or Partnered in "Open Relationship"

Tuesday, March 10, 2015

Bear Abby,

Bear Abby,

I don't know, but for some reason I seem to only attract married (to women) or partnered (gay) men. Some are in open relationships, some are on the "DL". Should I feel guilty if I hook up with these guys. The reason I ask is recently a guy I had been hooking up with for a couple of years lost his wedding ring, and he said it hurt his partner (who he no longer has sex with due to issues with medication his partner takes). They were supposed to be in an "open relationship", but now he says this caused so much hurt he can't. I guess my question is, should I just right off all married or partnered men and stick to just those that are single and available? It seems I can't attract them. All I can attract are "taken" men.

-The "Other Man"

 
 

Dear The "Other Man",

I have no problem with open relationships as long as all parties involved agree that they want the relationship to be open. I think the guy who lost his wedding ring is making up an excuse to stop hooking up with you, although I could be misreading it. Men married to women are more complicated because in most cases the wife doe NOT consent to an open relationship and would probably be terribly hurt if she knew about it. I would say that you should be extra cautious with guys married to women. With openly gay men in open relationships, be sure that the relationship really is open.

 

 

Married or Partnered in "Open Relationship"

Tuesday, March 10, 2015

Bear Abby,

Bear Abby,

I don't know, but for some reason I seem to only attract married (to women) or partnered (gay) men. Some are in open relationships, some are on the "DL". Should I feel guilty if I hook up with these guys. The reason I ask is recently a guy I had been hooking up with for a couple of years lost his wedding ring, and he said it hurt his partner (who he no longer has sex with due to issues with medication his partner takes). They were supposed to be in an "open relationship", but now he says this caused so much hurt he can't. I guess my question is, should I just right off all married or partnered men and stick to just those that are single and available? It seems I can't attract them. All I can attract are "taken" men.

-The "Other Man"

 
 

Dear The "Other Man",

I have no problem with open relationships as long as all parties involved agree that they want the relationship to be open. I think the guy who lost his wedding ring is making up an excuse to stop hooking up with you, although I could be misreading it. Men married to women are more complicated because in most cases the wife doe NOT consent to an open relationship and would probably be terribly hurt if she knew about it. I would say that you should be extra cautious with guys married to women. With openly gay men in open relationships, be sure that the relationship really is open.

 

 

Looking for love

Monday, December 08, 2014

Bear Abby,

When I first started on this site my main goal was to make friends and a couple of friends with benefits with older men. Lately I've been thinking about being in a relationship. About a year ago I met a great older chub. We hooked up a lot of time and from that we became good friends. The last couple of times we were together I started to have strong feeling towards this person. We've had conversations about relationships. I told him I'm looking for a relationship and from what he's told me I believe he's also looking for a relationship. Im scare to tell him that I like him and I would like him to be my boyfriend. I don't want to ruin our friendship but the more time I spend with him the stronger my feelings towards him get. My question to you is what is the best way for me to tell him how I feel about him without ruining our friendship?
If I can't be in a relationship with him I would at least like to have him as a friend.

-Lonely Cub

 
 

Dear Lonely Cub,

I think your best option is to print this column, then take it to him, tell him that you wrote it and ask him to read it. You should never expect another person to "just know" how you feel about him. You need to be honest about your feelings. I realize it can be intimidating but lack of direct communication is one of the best ways to cause problems in any kind of relationship, romantic or otherwise.

 
DISCLAIMER
This column is for entertainment purposes only, and should only be used in that context. The advice presented here is only the opinion of the author and should not be construed as professional or expert advice. The owners of this site and authors are not responsible for the decisions you make in your own life including those based on any advice presented on this site.
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