The online community for gay chubs and chasers!




Bear Abby

From ugly dilemmas to sublime annoyances; Bear Abby has advice for all!


endurance or impatience

Sunday, November 09, 2014

Bear Abby,

I have been back and forth with several guys here on BC and other sites and I keep coming up against the same problems; there are a number of people online who I would have no problem spending the night with them and hopefully it would develop into a proper relationship but all I seem to find are people who talk with you for a while and then for all the words and thoughts of meeting up etc, they say they'll call, msg, skype, whatever but the NEVER do. my question is - how long is safe enough to call a spade a spade and identify them as just leading me on or worse, using me for their benefit with no consideration for my needs? please help, this is doing my head in!

-Frustrated chaser


Dear Frustrated chaser,

Dating is a numbers game. The VAST majority of people out there are flakes. You need to approach it with the idea that it's a game like roulette. Most of the time you are going to lose but when you do win you have the chance of winning BIG. Date as often you can but with no expectations of a second meeting, or even a first one in the case of online contacts. Then when one of them does work out it will feel like a fantastic surprise.

Unfortunately your situation is made more difficult by where you live. The interface that I use to write these columns allows me to see your profile so I know what county you live in in your home country. Because you live in a rural area that is somewhat sparsely populated and you live in one of the most devoutly Catholic countries on earth you are probably also dealing with a higher percentage of closeted men than in other countries of western Europe or other parts of your own country.

Many of the local guys you meet online are probably too afraid of exposure to risk an actual in person meeting. Unfortunately the only ways to deal with this are to start chatting with guys who are further away or move, either to a larger city in your home country or to a new EU country that is less religious.



Don't Message Me

Sunday, November 09, 2014

Bear Abby,

I have talked to a really nice cute handsome men for quite some time and I am in a relationship that has no sex and is just about over. I can have sex with how ever I want because my partner can't have sex anymore.
I wanting this gentlemen so bad and even my partner thinks he is cute also and we have chatted about going on a cruse together and I know it was a fantasy. I did message him with news and I noticed the reply's stopped and then then out of the blue he asked me to stop sending him messages.
IS he playing hard to get, or maybe seeing if I really want him or what?

thank you

-very Confused


Dear very Confused,

I think you should take him at his word and drop it. The guy might have entered a relationship with someone else. Even if he hasn't and is just playing hard to get, it means that if you were to get involved with him at some point you would have to deal with similar behavior from him after you are emotionally involved which would be very frustrating and painful for you. This guy has proven himself to be unsuitable.



How weird is this?

Thursday, October 23, 2014

Bear Abby,

I know we have spoken a time or two before and I really do appreciate your time and comments, thank you.

The weird thing is that for some odd reason, either my pic looks vulnerable or I am just lucky to get these guys.

Lately I have been getting a lot of the romance scammers. I guess I am getting them just as everyone is whether a chaser or chub, but it seems I am getting my fair share lately. Yes I have reported them and so far it seems I have been right. The unusual thing is they give their email upfront and how weird, those guys are using AOL accounts or gmail accounts. Some of the pics of these guys are usually one pic or they have had several of the same guy. Some have businesses and some impersonate an US Army officer, in Afghanistan. The first thing they say in the post that the are very interested in you and want to get to know and then they give you their email account to write to.

It just sucks that guys are trying to take advantage of our kindness, just to make a buck. If you think about this, this is rather scary. Showing like a business taking the time to create a website just for some more money.

LOL..but why me?



Dear Unlucky,

Unfortunately there is a perception out there that chubs in general and gay chubs in particular are a desperate group of people and therefore easily manipulated. Also, many profiles will give enough personal information for a scammer to tailor the message to a person's particular triggers. I'm glad you've become adept at spotting them. Please spread the word to your friends.

This column is for entertainment purposes only, and should only be used in that context. The advice presented here is only the opinion of the author and should not be construed as professional or expert advice. The owners of this site and authors are not responsible for the decisions you make in your own life including those based on any advice presented on this site.