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Bear Abby

From ugly dilemmas to sublime annoyances; Bear Abby has advice for all!


RE: Good Job!

Sunday, June 07, 2015

Bear Abby,

I agree with No Ken Doll. I also appreciate your candor in that you are not a therapist. But you have something authentic - being fully who you are. And, unlike most therapists, even the gay ones, you are in our community and you understand us well.

I was quoting you the other day about something you have said many times: to go on many dates expecting nothing but a good time. It is a numbers game. I am dating some guys. It has taken a long time to release some insecurities enough to just relax and have fun. Although on the outside I would never admit that. The more I relax, the more positive responses I get. it is working.

Thanks for being there for many years as a supportive voice. I appreciate you. Please keep speaking out.

-Appreciation Bear


Dear Appreciation Bear,

You are very welcome. The advice I give comes from my own life experiences and from observing the lives of my friends. I will keep giving advice as long as this community wants to hear it.



Good job!

Friday, May 08, 2015

Bear Abby,

I feel compelled to personally thank you for the wonderful, life-affirming responses you give. Gay men are often isolated and lack a "sounding board" for their thoughts. I have read nearly all of your posted questions and responses and am thoroughly impressed. Giving advice that is free of judgmentality is NOT an easy task! I am a very self-conscious man and really quite shy (although my friends would laugh at that). I sent one of those letters expecting criticism that I am still in the closet. What I got was a sweet word of encouragement to make my own choices whether or not they are understood. It came like a breath of fresh air. Gay men are not all alike. We share common traits but none of us represent a "normal" gay man any more than a Ken doll represents a "normal" male body. The package is not the person. In my profession I am called upon to give advice to young(ish) people. I have never before had anyone (gay or straight) advise me with the same loving concern I try to offer to others.

-No Ken Doll


Dear No Ken Doll,

Thank you for letting me know that my advice has helped you. I rarely ever find out if my advice does that so when I do find out that I helped someone it makes my day. I am not a trained counselor. I was chosen to do this by the webmaster of Bigger City after submitting a writing sample. My advice comes from my own life experience and is strictly my own opinion. I do this because I have seen many gay men make themselves unhappy for no good reason. I also do it because I learn from the experience. In spite of the great strides being made in acceptance of LGBT people it reminds me of how long we still have to go.



Uncharted waters (for me anyway)

Friday, May 08, 2015

Bear Abby,

I have relatively recently become comfortable enough with my bi-sexual side to begin exploring. So far, all of my male encounters have developed online first so mutual interested was established before a meeting ever took place. In general, I am oblivious to the typical signals or flirting in most social interactions, whether male or female. I have developed a crush on a client who I have gotten acquainted with through various work functions over the last few weeks. There seems to be a hint of mutual interest, overly complimentary emails, email chains progressing further than necessary, etc. However, I am concerned that I am simply reading too much into our interactions because I want to believe there is a connection. I guess the advice I am seeking is a good strategy to test the waters and gauge interest while not compromising the business aspect of the relationship.

-Closet crush


Dear Closet crush,

I would advise against pursuing this because it could cost you your job. Be friendly and professional with your customer but don't actively pursue him. If he makes a pass at you, then you might be able to get away with it but even then it is risky. Also, you live in a state where there are no anti-discrimination laws protecting LGBT people in the workplace so be extremely cautious.

This column is for entertainment purposes only, and should only be used in that context. The advice presented here is only the opinion of the author and should not be construed as professional or expert advice. The owners of this site and authors are not responsible for the decisions you make in your own life including those based on any advice presented on this site.
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