The online community for gay chubs and chasers!




Bear Abby

From ugly dilemmas to sublime annoyances; Bear Abby has advice for all!


Looking for love

Monday, December 08, 2014

Bear Abby,

When I first started on this site my main goal was to make friends and a couple of friends with benefits with older men. Lately I've been thinking about being in a relationship. About a year ago I met a great older chub. We hooked up a lot of time and from that we became good friends. The last couple of times we were together I started to have strong feeling towards this person. We've had conversations about relationships. I told him I'm looking for a relationship and from what he's told me I believe he's also looking for a relationship. Im scare to tell him that I like him and I would like him to be my boyfriend. I don't want to ruin our friendship but the more time I spend with him the stronger my feelings towards him get. My question to you is what is the best way for me to tell him how I feel about him without ruining our friendship?
If I can't be in a relationship with him I would at least like to have him as a friend.

-Lonely Cub


Dear Lonely Cub,

I think your best option is to print this column, then take it to him, tell him that you wrote it and ask him to read it. You should never expect another person to "just know" how you feel about him. You need to be honest about your feelings. I realize it can be intimidating but lack of direct communication is one of the best ways to cause problems in any kind of relationship, romantic or otherwise.



endurance or impatience

Sunday, November 09, 2014

Bear Abby,

I have been back and forth with several guys here on BC and other sites and I keep coming up against the same problems; there are a number of people online who I would have no problem spending the night with them and hopefully it would develop into a proper relationship but all I seem to find are people who talk with you for a while and then for all the words and thoughts of meeting up etc, they say they'll call, msg, skype, whatever but the NEVER do. my question is - how long is safe enough to call a spade a spade and identify them as just leading me on or worse, using me for their benefit with no consideration for my needs? please help, this is doing my head in!

-Frustrated chaser


Dear Frustrated chaser,

Dating is a numbers game. The VAST majority of people out there are flakes. You need to approach it with the idea that it's a game like roulette. Most of the time you are going to lose but when you do win you have the chance of winning BIG. Date as often you can but with no expectations of a second meeting, or even a first one in the case of online contacts. Then when one of them does work out it will feel like a fantastic surprise.

Unfortunately your situation is made more difficult by where you live. The interface that I use to write these columns allows me to see your profile so I know what county you live in in your home country. Because you live in a rural area that is somewhat sparsely populated and you live in one of the most devoutly Catholic countries on earth you are probably also dealing with a higher percentage of closeted men than in other countries of western Europe or other parts of your own country.

Many of the local guys you meet online are probably too afraid of exposure to risk an actual in person meeting. Unfortunately the only ways to deal with this are to start chatting with guys who are further away or move, either to a larger city in your home country or to a new EU country that is less religious.



Don't Message Me

Sunday, November 09, 2014

Bear Abby,

I have talked to a really nice cute handsome men for quite some time and I am in a relationship that has no sex and is just about over. I can have sex with how ever I want because my partner can't have sex anymore.
I wanting this gentlemen so bad and even my partner thinks he is cute also and we have chatted about going on a cruse together and I know it was a fantasy. I did message him with news and I noticed the reply's stopped and then then out of the blue he asked me to stop sending him messages.
IS he playing hard to get, or maybe seeing if I really want him or what?

thank you

-very Confused


Dear very Confused,

I think you should take him at his word and drop it. The guy might have entered a relationship with someone else. Even if he hasn't and is just playing hard to get, it means that if you were to get involved with him at some point you would have to deal with similar behavior from him after you are emotionally involved which would be very frustrating and painful for you. This guy has proven himself to be unsuitable.

This column is for entertainment purposes only, and should only be used in that context. The advice presented here is only the opinion of the author and should not be construed as professional or expert advice. The owners of this site and authors are not responsible for the decisions you make in your own life including those based on any advice presented on this site.
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