BearAbby - Advice column for our community of gay chubby men, bears and chasers!

You can ignore my last question

Saturday, June 15, 2013

Bear Abby,

I guess you can ignore my last message. I found a way to send him a message, and he is ignoring it. I guess I just fall for people too easily.

-Anxious

Dear Anxious,

Please see my last response.

Confused and Anxious

Saturday, June 15, 2013

Bear Abby,

I've been talking to someone online, and we even added each other as friends on a game we both play. We are/were planning on meeting in about a week. Now, for some reason he has removed me from his friends list on that game, and I can't contact him on skype (it seems like he might have blocked me, but I can't be sure. He may have just been offline much longer than usual.)

But now I'm worrying that I've somehow done something wrong, or I don't know what. My heart started pounding when I realized all this and I'm worried. Not sure what to do, I'd at least like to talk to him and see what is going on. I'm more relaxed now, but still a bit anxious.

-Anxious

Dear Anxious,

You need to let it go and move on. It appears that his actions are deliberate. Stop trying to contact him at all and try not to think about him. If he contacts you in the future, you might get an answer. If he doesn't contact you again then you also have your answer.

What to do or not to do?

Saturday, June 15, 2013

Bear Abby,

I am writing to you because I have been in a relationship for many years now nine going on ten. We have a monogamous relationship, however on his own he started talking to men on Biggercities and Growlr and other places and told me not to worry he is simply chatting nothing else.
We moved to the southwest recently, while I was in the hotel working my man chose to meet up with this guy and they had lunch and made out. I got suspicious when he kept saying he was unpacking things but things were not happening as fast as they normally do. I then checked his phone the guy made comments like I can’t wait to have your manhood inside of me and all this stuff and that he has been seeing this guy while I am at the hotel working my ass off to support the new house I bought.
I have learned that is not the case. I have even learned that he and another man had sex when I confronted him his response was well me gave each other blow jobs and did nothing else. Let me go on he insists to see the man weekly, he is on the phone with him all the time talking to him via texting and Growlr. In fact he believes this man over me and it is sickening this man is a marriage wrecker period.
I confronted the guy and told him off, he then told me I was controlling and other things. He told me he will not stop seeing my husband and that he enjoyed sucking his springroll (cock) and that my man likes having his ass slapped and that I need to allow him to have all these things or he will end up leaving me.

-Sad and hurt Husbear

Dear Sad and hurt Husbear,

I realize that this is painful and I am very sympathetic. However, I believe that the best thing you can do is let your partner leave. The hurt of the breakup will be bad, but it will eventually subside. Staying with this guy will cause you to re-live the pain of being betrayed over and over and over.

The problem here is that the two of you have different goals. He want's an open relationship while you want a monogamous one. I personally do not feel that either relationship type is superior to the other but I do know from much experience and observation that the two people MUST be on the same page with respect to this issue or the relationship will ultimately fail. If you try to change him it won't work and you will only be setting yourself up for years of emotional pain hoping for something that will not happen.

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Bear Abby

You can ignore my last question

Confused and Anxious

What to do or not to do?

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