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Bear Abby

From ugly dilemmas to sublime annoyances; Bear Abby has advice for all!


Should I Cross State Lines for Love? And How?

Friday, September 12, 2014

Bear Abby,

I moved to Los Angeles over a decade ago from New York City. Right away, I realized the dating scene here was tough in general, but way tougher for a chub.

Previously, I have had no problem dating in NYC. I grew up in San Diego and I have also lived in San Francisco for a time and I've traveled a great deal. Dating has always been easier elsewhere.

Two years ago, my relationship of five years ended. I'm now finally dating again and remembering how tough it is here in LA.

Although my job in entertainment keeps me in LA, I'm starting to think I should look outside the city and state for love. I had previously avoided that, but I'm not getting any younger and I want to be in a relationship again.

Do you suggest I expand my search beyond my state? And what's your best advice for long distance dating?

-Loveless in LA


Dear Loveless in LA,

I did then long distance thing myself 20 years ago and my husband and I are now legally married. However, we only dated long distance for 6 months before I moved to his state. At that time his work situation was the more stable of the two so it made more sense that I move to his location. I think long distance relationships only work if you can be together at least every weekend and even then it should only be temporary. I see nothing wrong with expanding your search outside of LA county but I would still try to stay in Southern California unless you are open to relocation.



I am old fashioned and believe in true love

Friday, September 12, 2014

Bear Abby,

I am a 50 year old man who is old fashioned, I just do not sleep with all my friends. I have had friends say that I am a prude and need to lighten up. I have no hang ups with what they do with who or how often, but yet because I am the odd man out of this situation some feel the need to tell me how wrong I am living my life. I am very lucky and have many friends, I started to let this group drift away a little, but I do not understand why we all can not embrace each other differences and still be good friends. I do believe in ever lasting love, we have all been hurt some way in the past, but I do believe there is a man out there with the same values of monogamy. So I guess I am going to wait for quality and not quantity. I want to be clear that I am not judging others and I am not better than anyone because we are all entitled to live how we see fit. I just feel like I am a very small minority at times and wondering if others out there feel the same way

-wishing on a star


Dear wishing on a star,

My experience is that many men who think they want monogamy really don't. They often want monogamous partners. It's not the same thing. That being said, I think your choice to wait for what you want is the right one. You are in the minority in this but so what? If that's what works for you then stick to your principles and do not give up. Each time it doesn't work out your response should be "Next!" until the right one eventually comes along.



Feel exploited

Friday, September 12, 2014

Bear Abby,

I'm a 43 years old chaser and living with my 67 yo partner. I left my career and everything I had, to be able to with him and we established a life-time commitment. After a while, he started taking me for granted and I feel I'm exploited. I earn much more than he does and I support him financially. Briefly, he spends and I pay.
He is retired and stays at home. I come from work and cook, serve the dinner, wash dishes, do the laundry, clean the house take the dog out three times a day and he watches movies and chats with younger studs in the net all day long. He even doesn't feed his dog.
He neglects his personal hygene and has a shower every other week. Sometimes he stinks so bad that I sleep on couch in living room.
When we go out for shopping or dinner, he shows me to the people (waiters, cashiers or people passing by) and tells them that I'm his husband, despite the fact that I asked him not to do. To be honest, we have no physical intimacy in our relation any more and he offered me to open our relation.
He lies me a lot and it really kills my love for him. I'm seriously thinking about breaking up but I know that neither him nor his dog wouldn't survive with my absence. Especially the dog loves me and needs my care so much and I regard him as my own son.
I feel guilty for thinking about letting my partner down and I really need some advices.



Dear lighthouse,

A relationship is a partnership that requires effort from both people. If your description is accurate then your partner has already checked out emotionally and is no longer your partner in life. Therefore you should not feel at all guilty about leaving. He chose this, not you.

This column is for entertainment purposes only, and should only be used in that context. The advice presented here is only the opinion of the author and should not be construed as professional or expert advice. The owners of this site and authors are not responsible for the decisions you make in your own life including those based on any advice presented on this site.
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