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Bear Abby

From ugly dilemmas to sublime annoyances; Bear Abby has advice for all!


How can I cope with a Fag Hag?

Monday, September 22, 2014

Bear Abby,

I’ve recently met my new partner through Biggercity (thanks guys), we’d been chatting for months and decided to meet up. I had a great week at his place, we clicked and sex was amazing so we’ve decided to make a go of it. There is only one potential problem, his older female ‘best friend’.

I agreed to meet his friends as they are important to him. I was left shell shocked when on day 2 of my visit, she got very drunk and when he was out of the room told me she didn't care about any boyfriend, she was his best friend and she was the most important thing to him. She then appeared several times during the week despite me saying to BF I wanted some 'us' time.

I posted some nice photos of me and BF out and about and she asked where the photos of her were? I said all photos were taken during our trips out together and that we did need some time alone after all...Just so she'd get the hint. BF 'liked' my comment. Then she came back with she would be there twice a day every day!

To his credit BF recently posted that he's lucky to have some good friends and even luckier to have a BF who loves him. Yet I have this nightmare of him and me on our honeymoon strolling along a beach together with her chasing us...

I got through the week without confrontation as I was just thinking about me and BF and was determined not to give this ‘friend’ the attention she craves. Any suggestions on how I can strengthen my new relationship without upsetting anyone?

-shell shocked


Dear shell shocked,

I can't tell you exactly how to do it, but you will have to discuss her behavior with your new boyfriend soon. It will be his responsibility to set the proper boundaries with his female friend, but you have to make sure he is aware of what she is doing. If you don't deal with this early it will only get worse because her jealousy will only increase as the two of you spend more time together.



Re: Should I Cross State Lines for Love? And How?

Monday, September 22, 2014

Bear Abby,

I would certainly encourage Loveless in LA to spread his wings. The entertainment industry is deeply thriving in NYC and maybe he should explore the possibilities. Start by seeing what work is available and then go visit.

-My Two Cents


Dear My Two Cents,

I hope Loveless in LA sees this. I think it would do him good to see that there is some support out there.



Monogamy vs Reality

Monday, September 22, 2014

Bear Abby,

Hubby and I have been together 24 years and I spent 23 undocumented because I ran away from home so we could be together. We are legally married and I have been monogamous this whole time but hubby has not. I don't know if he cheated a lot but was certainly looking for willing partners the entire time and certainly made it known over the years that I was expendable. Living undocumented only compounded the betrayal. I only recently got him to tell the truth about his cheating and it was worse than I thought. I wonder if there's more. He's a really sweet guy who sometimes feels destroying our marriage is the best way to destroy himself. He's done some good damage and convinced me over time that I am both unwanted and desperately needed. I love him and know he would die without me. He's disabled and I'm his caregiver.

I am just now exploring an open relationship. It's hubby's idea and apparently he's fine with it. But I'm conflicted and fear it will only get worse when he's gone. But I need to leave the house once in a while and still feel as young as that number says I supposedly am. And I do need intimacy with a chub, which has been missing a while. Hubby says I can even bring chubs home of I want.

So what? How do I drop the resentment and balance living a life of my own with sacrificing virtually everything for a hubby that didn't always want me? He needs me, but sometimes I still feel used and abused. Love conquers all, but also does some damage along the way.



Dear jayjf,

I am sorry to hear about your difficult situation. However, I think that it would probably be best for you to find a way out of this relationship. Your partner is taking advantage of you and playing upon your feelings of sympathy and guilt. I suspect he is also taking advantage of your immigration status. If my assumptions are correct then this is a very one sided relationship and is not healthy for you in the long run.

This column is for entertainment purposes only, and should only be used in that context. The advice presented here is only the opinion of the author and should not be construed as professional or expert advice. The owners of this site and authors are not responsible for the decisions you make in your own life including those based on any advice presented on this site.
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